First Trimester Bumpdate

So… the news is out! We’re having a baby! Baby Abasto is set to arrive Earthside September 27 and we couldn’t be more excited. Below is a rundown of the first trimester: all the fun stuff and the not-so-fun stuff.

We got these darling patches on Etsy from this shop. We also got one that says “Babe” so we can re-create this photo next year with our little babe in their leather jacket.

Prep

Most of you know, we had a miscarriage on October 15, 2018. We found out we were miscarrying at our first ultrasound appointment at 10 weeks. The baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat. We officially lost the baby that following Monday. It took a few months before we were ready to start trying again, but when we did it ended up taking much longer than we expected and we started worrying something was wrong. I think a lot of girls have this fear. We go our whole lives thinking it can happen at the drop of a hat but in reality, many couples spend years trying. There are so many incredible couples in my life that have been struggling to conceive, that I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a sort of “survivor’s guilt” when I realized I was pregnant.

How I found out

I found out on January 21st in the bathroom at my office. I hadn’t missed my period yet, but like they say: when you know you know. I had come across a pregnancy test in my desk drawer that I had shoved in there months prior and thought “why not?”. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea and I spent the next few minutes alone in a bathroom stall staring in shock at the digital reading: “pregnant”. I remember wondering if it was possible that the “not” text had glitched like a TV does when it gets hit with something. I couldn’t concentrate much after that and left a couple hours later after rushing through everything that had to get done that day. On my way home, I bought two more boxes of pregnancy tests and took one of them in the bathroom at Raley’s.

telling jerry

The first time I got pregnant, I knew exactly how I would tell him. I’d had it planned for years. I had a spoon engraved that said “we’re pregnant” and took him out for ice cream. The moment was everything I wanted it to be, right down to the tears that filled J’s eyes. This time, I was at a loss. I had been too afraid to jinx anything so I hadn’t given it too much thought. It dawned on me that maybe I shouldn’t tell him at all, maybe I should let our first baby tell him. I found this dog bandana on Amazon and was relieved it was prime because I COULD NOT keep it a secret from J for too long. It was definitely meant for a larger dog, but with some creative folding, I made it work. How cute is my baby?!

telling the rest of our family

We told everyone in our family with these fake lottery scratch off tickets except my siblings because I couldn’t get together with them logistically. They would play the game and realize they had won and would get all excited to collect their millions, but once they scratched the “prize box” it revealed “we’re having a baby!” I have videos of every one of my family member’s reactions and I’ll share them in another blog post. Make sure you’ve got tissues ready because they’re all super cute!

the first trimester

how i felt physically | Y’all…it was rough. Ladies, you know the day before you start your period when you’re kinda lethargic and grumpy and you can’t really pinpoint it, but you just don’t feel good? I basically felt like that every single day for 3 months. It was like being hungover but without the fun stories from the night before. I felt grateful that I only threw up a handful of times, but every morning I was dry heaving (I still do some mornings into the second trimester). It seemed that if I allowed myself to feel hungry, I’d get nauseous, but regardless of what I ate, I’d have heartburn. It was a really terrible cycle. The second I’d feel that twinge of hunger coming on, I felt like I had to have a carb of some kind to settle my stomach and I must have eaten 100 croissants in February. I was particularly fond of Starbucks’ butter croissants and I’m ashamed to admit that I cried in the drive thru twice when they had run out for the day. I found Preggie Pops to be a God send and still use them here and there. I literally find stashes of them all over the place: in the pockets of my jackets, in my car, at my desk at work, I’ve even got a few at my mom’s house. The kind I bought also have B6 in them which helps to settle your stomach, but you can only have up to 6 per day. I was also EXHAUSTED. I’ve never been a nap person, but in the first trimester, I found myself needing to plan my days around my 2:00 nap. Almost every day, like clockwork, I’d get hit with the most intense sleepy bug and it didn’t matter where I was. I took more than one nap in my car in the parking lot of my office and on the weekends, whatever activity we were doing had to pause at 2:00 for naptime. It was insane!

I’ve also been very worried about stretch marks, so I’ve been hyper vigilant about belly oil. So far, I’m quite fond of this stuff. It smells nice and so far has done the trick.

how I felt emotionally | In short: I was a wreck. This isn’t that strange when you consider all of the crazy hormones your body is attempting to process. It’s also no secret that I struggle with depression and anxiety. I remember one evening when my husband had decided to go on a rare guys night out, I called my mom hysterically sobbing. I couldn’t tell her what was wrong because I truly didn’t know. I just knew that I felt sad, hopeless, and sick of feeling sick. I feared I’d made a mistake and I wasn’t cut out to be a mother. I was scared of having the baby while simultaneously being terrified we’d lose it like we lost the first. Then there was the fact that my dad was (is) fighting a losing battle with terminal cancer. Giving him weekly updates on the baby’s growth while he slowly deteriorates felt unfair and I felt robbed of the experience. I wondered (and continue to wonder) constantly if he’ll make it to meet the baby and I worry about how this emotional toll will affect him or her. I’ve continued therapy and at my doctor’s suggestion, I have stayed on my medication for depression. This option isn’t best for everyone, but my doctor felt that my depression can not be managed without it at this time and a happy mother is better than a depressed mother.

food | before I got pregnant, I was doing intermittent fasting at 20:4 (20 hours fasting with a 4 hour window when I was allowed to eat). It worked well for me and I felt a lot better than I had on my previous Keto diet. Obviously, when I got pregnant, that was no longer sustainable and adjusting back to eating 3 meals a day was hard- especially breakfast. I never wanted to eat in the morning and now I had no choice. My broker (who has fathered 3 beautiful girls) gave me a great tip that had helped his wife: put a caprisun or a small can of sprite (or any sugary drink) next to your bed and drink a few sips of it before you get vertical in the morning. The sugar coats your stomach and helped me immensely. Eventually I found that oatmeal was an easy meal on my stomach in the mornings and filled me enough to stave off the nausea for a bit. I still eat oatmeal almost every morning, but mostly because I’m a creature of habit. I didn’t have any specific cravings, but I did oddly find an aversion to coffee. I love coffee. Prior to getting pregnant, I would easily drink 3-4 cups per day and had no problem drinking a cup before bed and sleeping like a baby. Most doctors agree that 200mg of caffeine per day (about 16oz) is safe for pregnant women but I couldn’t even choke down one cup. My mom had the same aversion when she was pregnant with me. So weird! I’ve just recently started drinking iced coffee but I still can’t stomach hot coffee. Because my gag reflex has been so hightened, I knew prenatals in pill form were out of the question. I love Olly’s brand of vitamins, so I tried their gummy prenatals. Y’all, they are GOOD! Like, I actually look forward to taking them.

scares | having lost our first pregnancy early, we were both anxious throughout the first trimester (hell, we’re still anxious!) and I had a really hard time differentiating what was normal and what isn’t. Around 11 weeks, we rushed to the hospital because I had started bleeding. They found a blood clot behind my placenta and blood in my cervix. They said any time a woman is bleeding during pregnancy it is considered a “threatened miscarriage”. The room started spinning when those words came out of the doctor’s mouth but they reiterated to me that the baby was still moving around like crazy, the heartbeat was normal, and they were measuring right on time. We see the doctor again on April 13 and I’d be lying if I said I’m not still pretty worried.

So far, pregnancy has not been easy for me. I envy the women who say they loved being pregnant and miss it while I cannot wait to close this chapter of my life and hold my baby. I miss sushi. I miss sleeping without 6 potty breaks per night. I miss not having heartburn. I miss my Gucci belt lol. I’ve grown tired of being treated with kid gloves: “don’t lift that”, “don’t eat that”, “you need to rest”… being pregnant can sometimes feel like being made out of fine china. For a long while these feelings made me feel so guilty. I should be jumping for joy especially after having lost our first baby. But, these feelings are valid and I’m allowed to mourn my old life while simultaneously be looking forward to my new one. I’m allowed to not enjoy being sick 89% of the time, and I’m certainly allowed to miss sushi.

J & I can’t wait to meet our babe… like, really can’t wait. But if we decide to try for a second, maybe it’s time to start a surrogate fund.